Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Are you too sensitive?

Don’t feel shy – Gladly admit it! Because one should always accept just the way they are… I am too, there I said it!

Spending too much time on anguishing a remark, feeling lonely even with a group of people, holding yourself back, talking but still not saying what’s in your heart, assuming a million things, over-reacting to innocuous remarks etc etc. Some of us lash out, which just compounds the problem, while others say nothing but endlessly analyze. Analyzing too much without any concrete evidence can lead to many problems such as stress, migraines, depression, anxiety and so on… A small comment from a close relative or friend can constantly haunt you to the verge of making you absolutely nuts. What’s more brooding? While only a few of us get the supersensitive label, it doesn’t mean the rest of the world isn’t susceptible, too.

In evolutionary terms, being sensitive to criticism could be a lifesaver. Back when we were hunter-gatherers in high school, being excluded from the group could be dangerous. Our sensitivity to others negative opinion is extremely strong that our brain stores the entire emotional dictum right next to the physical pain. Thus, a negative remark hurts as much as being hit by a car. Bummer ! This is because so many people live in big cities, have tons of friends or family, interact with so many people on a regular basis which breeds anonymity and insensitivity to what others think. Let’s get this straight guys, we live in 21st century, human race has become intensely audacious.

It turns out gender matters in sensitivity as well. Women are more prone to think about other’s feeling, whereas men can care less. SO, while it’s okay for men to be blunt, it’s absolutely intolerable and ill-mannered for a woman to traverse. Anyhow, I’ll still take it as a positive point because at then end of the day it’s always; Woman, who rules!!! Hell yeah, we rule…!!!

Few easy steps can help a lot in life. When a comment stings you, take a deep breath and excuse yourself in a very subtle way without making any announcements. It’s always recommended to wait for 24 hours before responding, if at all. Focusing on your breath distracts you from the initial surge of temper that follows a barb, and leaving the situation gives you time to form an appropriate response. Most of us make a poor choice of words when our pulse goes above 100. Yup, been there, done that! Let’s take a couple of scenarios, so a colleague at work passes a remark by saying, how careless of you to leave your 20-yr old daughter on a road trip? Now, before you come up with a punch line, think of how well does that colleague knows you? Who is he/she to judge you? Absolutely no one! Run this comment by someone who actually knows what kind of a mother you are. Maybe your critic has a point, and you’re reacting defensively because you agree.

For teenagers and youngsters, just this once, don’t discuss your hurt feelings with your friends. Just let it be, go for a walk or read a book. It’s a fact, excessive focus on a problem makes them feel bigger and harder to resolve. Also, if a comment hurts you, mediate don’t ruminate. Go to your room, listen to some soothing music, watch a movie, dance/sing, and distract yourself. Once you have gained enough composure it’ll get easier to talk with that person again. Sensitive people often take a criticism to their entire personality instead of just one tiny aspect of it. Never do that! Not only can it affect you mentally, it can give you immense health problems as well i.e. headaches, migraines, stress, depression, anxiety, etc.
Just for a change, next time a person passes a remark, say these words:
Excuse me?
I wonder why you would say that.
Can you elaborate on what you said?
Ouch! That hurts my feelings.

These are few comebacks which can make the other person think twice. Also, being sensitive is a little positive too, “when there’s tension that makes everyone squirm at a party, sensitive people save the day by saying exactly the right thing.”

1 comment:

  1. many take-aways from this article for me: its okay to be sensitive as long as it doesnt lead to depression, migrane and what not!



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